m i l a n o

we went to
m i l a n
for grub's
40th birthday.



we checked out
the monthly
flea market
by the canal.
(i could have
stayed there
all day
but it was not
my birthday).



the main reason
we went,
of course,
was for the food!

grub tried
a lot of gelato.



we
ate a lot
of great
food...
highlights
included
ubarba


(photos above from here)

and
the small


(photo from here)


(photo from here)


the super cool owner/waiter (photo from here).



it was
too short
a trip.

i didn't take
enough
photos
or
eat enough
gelato.
so i guess
we will
have
to go back
soon.



xo

ps i am posting
daily
on habit blog
all the month
of october.
check it out.

before the storm

my birthday sundae
at a
fancy hotel
by the lake.

. . .

sometimes
our lives
seem to be
an assortment
of moments...
too scattered
is our
day to day
that
one cannot
weave them
into
a story.
it ends up
more like
a nonsensical dream.

that is how
things
have been
for me
as of late.

. . .

grub was
in paris
for my birthday
{i made him go}
but he brought me
back
macarons & jam
from
pierre hermé,
tea from
mariage frères,
and treats
from my favorite
stores
{muji & petit pan}



i had hoped
to have
an amazing day
of swiss thrift shopping
on my birthday
but
the thrift shop gods
were not kind.

a few days
before
i saw
an old wooden toy
at a thrift shop
but hesitated
to buy it
{it was a whopping 8chf}.
but
it pestered me
until i returned
and
found it there
waiting for me
and
on sale for
half price!
i love old
beat-up
wooden toys.



it had
a signature
on the bottom



i looked it up
to find it was
a vintage swiss toy
by antonio vitali,
a pretty famous
swiss toy designer.

needless to say
it made
my day.

. . .

things
are otherwise
quiet...


{photo by grub}

trying to
sink into
what life is
like now.

enjoying
weekend breakfasts
on the balcony...



walks
by the lake
after
the saturday market...




lunches
with wine
(for those
with that option)



and
afternoon naps.



fleeting moments.
the quiet
before
the storm.

xo

f l e e t i n g

the last day
in mexico
i spent
the morning
on the beach
before we
rushed off
to the airport.

i found
a honeybee
flailing around
in the sand.
her wings
had somehow
been damaged.
i picked her up
and let her
clean herself off.
but each time
she
tried to fly
she
ended
up
right
back
in the sand.
it was
so sad.
even though
a worker bee
is expendible,
since she has
50,000 or so
sisters
to take
her place,
it is one
of those
moments
when you
are so aware
of the
fleeting nature
of life.
corny,
i know,
but true.


f l e e t i n g :
passing swiftly : transitory

this definition
does not
capture
how the word
feels in the
pit of my stomach.
there is something
inherently
sad about
the word.
something lost.



grub's birthday
was yesterday.
as we get older
it seems
we most often
get depressed
around our birthday.
why?
is it the loss
of time?
the recognition
of how
swiftly
time passes us?
for me
it is a reflection
on what
i have accomplished
each year.
i always
fall short.
why is there
sadness
and disappointment
in that
which is
fleeting?
instead of
the joy
of relishing
that moment-
that year
gone by?

more fleeting
here.

xo

for the love of grey

have
i mentioned
i love grey?

i know
black
is the
uber-urban
color
to wear
but
i prefer grey.


{butterpony's room}

although
i had a
goth black
period
{i was a child
of the 80s afterall}
i don't wear
black much.
one big reason...
i have
a white cat.


{birthday gloves for my sister}

i like
that it
is spelled
2 different ways...
so i can
change
the spelling
depending
on my mood.
do you
write
grey
or
gray?


{birthday sweater for my sister}

wish my
sister
a belated
happy birthday!


{urban path for shari}

wishing
you all
a
lovely weekend!
xo

40th in nyc

{east village}

sorry
i disappeared.
i have been
in nyc since
wednesday.

i met up
with
my siblings
(4 out of 5)
in nyc
to celebrate
my sister's
40th birthday.
2 from seattle
1 in nyc
and
grub & i
from dc.

i stayed
with my brother
johnny
in harlem.

he has
a
huge place
that is
straight out
of
the buena vista
social club...
crumbling elegance.






it's falling apart
but it's
so beautiful.

. . . . .

my brothers
and grub
in soho



waiting
for my sister
as she
shopped
on her
birthday.

. . . . .

we had
one of
the best
dinners
of our lives
at
mas...

. . . . .

an
evening stroll
in central park
with my sister
before i left
sunday...



it went
far
too fast.
i miss them.

happy birthday
suzy.

more
polaroids
and purses.
soon.
xo

on the outside...

you know
how you feel
when you
are in
a foreign land
and
you don't or barely
speak the language?
how you feel
like you are
watching a movie
and not really
participating
in the action
around you?

lately that's
how i have been
feeling.

sometimes
i feel like
i am so far
away
from the
conversation
around me...

sometimes
i feel like
i am trying
to tell people
something
but because
i don't speak
the language,
they have
no idea
what i am
trying to say.

it all started
a few weeks ago
when
my friend told me
that she doesn't
see me as the type
of person
to have kids.
this was so strange
to me because
i have always
in the back
of my mind
assumed
that i would
have kids...

the past
few weeks
people have
said a lot of
things to me
that
were like that
comment...
and i thought,
how do
people see me...
has that changed
as i get older?

i know
this isn't
a new question
but as my birthday
came and past
it brought about
{as it usually tends to}
that introspective time.
and it made me think
about when my mother
told me that
she doesn't
see herself
as a 70 year old
woman
but rather as
someone my age
and it startles
her sometimes
when she sees
this old lady
looking back it her.

i feel like
i know who
i am
but it is
the sum of
all the parts
of me growing up
and
some parts
of me
may not
be so obvious
to those
who see me now.

are we who
we think
we are
or
how we are
perceived?

or rather...
do people
see me better
than i see
myself?
for example,
when you
know that
your friend's
boyfriend sucks
but it takes
your friend
years in
a relationship
to figure that out...

how different
is
how
we perceive
ourselves
from
how others
perceive us?
are some people
exactly as others
perceive them to be
while others
are the
polar opposite?

i love looking
into people's
windows
as i walk home
at night...
i love seeing
how they
decorate their homes
and
how they move about
their lives
oblivious
to mine...

as i am
on the outside
looking
in.

33 things

{birthday breakfast}

i was
m.i.a.
because
i had to fly down
to new orleans
to learn
a special
technique
for
my research
but i am
back
just in time
for my
birthday!

and
like
last year
it's fun
to share
33
random things
about me
since i turn
33 today.

1. i was born
on a wednesday.

they say
wednesday's child
is
full of woe.
uh oh.

2. i grew up
without tv
but my dad would
occasionally
borrow one from
the neighbor as a treat.


3. i was close
to my brother
johnny
growing up.


4. i was never
very good
at baseball
and got
teased
by the boys
on the team
because
i couldn't catch.


5. when i went
to catholic school,
they made us
dress as saints
for halloween.


6. my favorite pet
was a cat
that
i found
and named
max.


7. if i ever have
a daughter
i want to name her
valerie
after my
crafty grandma.

8. i use to have a
play vet office
on the porch.
i called myself
"dr. lewis"
because i figured
that
i'd be married
and have changed
my last name.
so decided
i'd marry
huey lewis
(yes, the huey lewis).
my parents use
to tease me
about meeting
a nice
mr. lewis.

9. i will
never change
my last name.

10. i wanted to be
a veterinarian
until i was 20.

11. i fell in love
with bugs
when i was 20.

12. when i was
twelve
i had
a mad crush
on david j
of
the band
bauhaus.

13. the first album
i owned was
"xanadu"
yep,
the movie
soundtrack.

14. i remember
buying music
on cassette tape.

15. i also remember
not having email.

16. i am scared
i will forget
what it's like
to be a kid.

17. i am still
not sure if
i want to have kids.

18. i use
to write
a lot of poetry.

19. when i was 19
my brother's
painted my car
blue and pink
with green leaves
for my birthday


20. my favorite
ice cream
is pralines
n' cream.

21. i have a scar
on my right
pinky from
when my brother
jumped out
with a knife
to scare me.

22. i am not
musical but
am trying
to learn to play
the
ukulele.

23. i have a hell
of a lot of "stuff"
and that
really depresses me
sometimes.

24. i am
very moody.

25. i was an
alter girl
in church.
i really loved
to ring
the bells.

26. i adored
the
anne of green gables
books.

27. starting
a blog
was one
of the
most wonderful
things
i have never
planned to do.

28. when i was 18,
i thought that
i'd be married by 28.

29. i was
a fat
unfriendly
baby.

or so
i am told.

30. i am not where
i thought i'd be
at 33.
but i am okay
with that.

31. the nicest
compliment
i have ever gotten
was
"you remind me
of your mother."

32. a great wish
of mine
was to visit
paris with my mother.
i did at 32.

33. when i finally
get my phd
i want to visit
the galapogas
islands.

. . . . .

tomorrow,
a present
for you.

xo