Wednesday, July 12, 2006

the countdown

i have been
a little
out of it
this week
to say the least.
the weight of
grad school
is heavy upon me
each day
i am not sure
just why
i thought
i could do this.
but i trudge on.
so forgive me
if my posts
more sporadic.
my big exams
looming up
i am quite

do you know...
when you have
that you are
really dreading
with all
your heart...
you think
about life
that thing
that project
you have
been working
nonstop on
and you have
to make yourself
keep working
but you want
so desparately
to just stop.
grub feels that
with some
really time-consuming,
down to the last minute
architect projects.
i feel that way
with tests
or big meetings.
i just dream of
all the things
i will do when
i have
time again...
i have a list on
my cork board
right next to
the calendar
my big exams:
1. join masters swim team
2. take a felting class
3. learn to crochet
4. darkroom classes
5. refinish desk
it's ever-growing
as the fateful day
am i the only one
that does that?

here are some
that make me
happy today.

with rebecca:

my softie
that i just got
from camilla:

his name is

the candeloos
my brother
mailed to me:

thank you
so much
dear johnny!

i will try
to post
village finds
until then,


f. pea said...

i know what you mean about needing to go forward and dying to stop. promising myself little treats always helps. you know, i find a similar phenomenon with self-striping yarn: somehow setting little goals like getting to the next fair-isle section keep me knitting through acres of stockinette stitch. (maybe i need to knit something more interesting...?)

Anonymous said...

just remember your passion for bugs, gwen! i'll have to try writing down all the things i want to do once i am finished my thesis, maybe it will spur me on.

do you ever find yourself dreading things coming up, stressing out about them, and then once they are over wondering what all of the fuss was about?

bugheart said...

i definitely have
myself dreading
that ended up
no big deal
these exams
are notorious
for being
on of the
worst days
of your life
but 5 minutes
after its done
and you pass
one of the
best moments
of your life
you made it
through it.
we shall see!

Anonymous said...

hang in there girl.
i know what you mean with that whole list thing. i keep telling myself i will have more of a life after february when this show is up, and i dont have to spend all day in the studio. but then comes the next show... sissyphus comes to mind as a metaphor here.

julie said...

Good luck - i so know that feeling! Things will be fine!

Tracykins said...

Ah, I remember it far too well. Pre-defense stress! But I did feel so proud when it was over! And so tired....but that may have been the concussion talking. Just don't wear those damn fuzzy blue slippers - they'll get you, too!

shari said...

oh i know you will make it through your big exams. wishing you luck! i love the idea of making a list of things you will do after the dreaded thing is over and done with! i find myself doing this too as it is a good motivator to hang in there. thinking of you. xo shari
ps: love your softie from camilla.
pps: what's your favorite breakfast?

lisa solomon said...

oh yes... you are not alone....

i'm sure you will excel on your tests!

grad school... it's a true test of will in many ways i think.....

i love how all your things together match in color....

sooz said...

You are most definitely not the only one makes such lists! I think EVERYONE does it - even if they don't actually write them down.

I had forgotten, in that vast stretch of time between my most recent study tour and the one before, how ever-present and pounding that pressure is, and how strangely sort of devestating finishing is. This week I got word that my thesis is now marked and it's just paperwork to tie it up and it's such a bloody anti-climax. I feel almost ashamed now how much emotional energy I let the thing use up. Ah, the subject of a good post when I get my paperwork...

Good luck Gwen, when all is said and done do it for the bugs and try to remember that in the blink of an eye you won't remember why you were so overwhelmed.

Anonymous said...

Classic avoidance behavior actually -- only at least you are disciplined enough to just make lists of the distractions instead of doing them all instead of prepping for your tests. Keep on -- it will be over soon and you'll be on to the next big thing.

Anonymous said...

Love the peek at you post examination list of things to do in life... mine tend to be just made for four days ahead... more of an itemised to-do list rather than your wonderful one, brimming with potential.
cheers, grache

julie said...

I love drawing and painting butterflies, dragonflies, catterpillars and ladybirds :)
Hope you are ok and its nearly over xxx