Friday, July 28, 2006

corners of my... heart


this is an old
photo booth
photo of my mom.
she is younger
in this photo
than i am today.

this photo
sits on my office desk.
i have always
loved this photo.
perhaps
because
there's some
part of
her personality
in her face
i do not know.

i have been thinking
a lot about my mom
lately.
she lives far
across the
country in
washington state.
i have been thinking
a lot about my mom
because
my brother

is about to
become a father.
the first sibling
to have a child.
my
sister-in-law's
due date is
september 1st.
so it could
happen
any time now.
it is
an exciting time
but
there is part of me
that is very sad
because i am
so far away
and i cannot
really
share in
the experience...
i won't get
to see my parents
hold their
first grandchild
for the
first time.
i won't see
my brother
and his wife
with their child
when it is
all so new
and awkward
to them.
i won't get
to say
to my
niece
or
nephew,
i remember
holding you
the day that
you were born...

it is
wonderful
to have lived
in many cities
and
ventured
away from
where
one grew up
but
some times
its hard
to be
far from home
when big
changes happen
in the
lives
of
the
most important
people
in your life.

14 comments:

bike&beer said...

i know the feeling.... sigh. but we are fortunate to HAVE those loved ones! whenever i think that my family is so far away, i take solace in the fact that i love them and they love me - even from afar! xo

Eero said...

Being away from family is hard---especially in important times. Still, as consolation, the day the baby arrives is pretty stressful, hectic, and crazy....I know my sis was happy to see me 3 days after the birth of her daughter, when both of them had recovered a bit! (Are you flying there to see the new wee one after he/she arrives? I am SO curious to see what their two gene pools create...really want to see everyone in Feb!)

kylie said...

That photo is stunning.

My sister is about to take off back to the other side of the world to live "forever"...whatever that is....so im feeling it from the other side of the coin I guess.

Make sure you take a trip home soon perhaps as babies grow faster than weeds.

sooz said...

Oh, it's a double edged sword isn't it? The freedom to roam comes with the curse of rootlessness, and nothing makes this so painful as the passing of time in the lives of the ones you love. The joy, the excitement, the challenge, the wonder of discovery that is travel and relocation is such a defining characteristic of a life lived not at home. I can't imagine ever giving that up - can't imagine myself if I hadn't done it. But there are some big gaps in the family stories and some moments mediated by telephone lines where I wanted more than anything to be with the people I was talking to - sharing their joys, and their sorrows.

I feel your sadness bug. I hope the universe has a bit of a shuffle and things shift for you soon.

Funky Finds said...

I can't imagine being far away from family. I have always wanted to venture off, but when it comes down to it I just NEED time with my family on a regular basis. But don't feel too down...they know you want to be there & hopefully you can visit VERY soon! And you will have that wonderful moment when you hold your first neice or nephew for the first time! :)

Julie said...

I know how it feels to be far away from the ones you love. Get them to send all the photos and movies! and try and visit when you can...

Amy said...

My sister is having her first baby in February and she lives in KC with Mom and Dad. I can relate. There are times I feel so isolated here. Friends are friends. Inlaws and inlaws. But family is family.

cochabamba said...

i know,
its sad you cant be here, but the little one won't know it, so you can always tell them that. Seems like we spend so much time in our youth trying to get away from family and out on our own, but then only come to realize later that many friendships pass on, but family is always there. We all have to make our own lives, and sometimes that takes us away. I will be glad to see you in september, anyway. And her due date is september 1, but it could really come anytime now.

Jenna said...

I know how you feel. I'm excited for the time whenever my bro and sis in law have kids and would like to be involved in their lives(maybe show them there's a world beyond religion, ahem). As long as they live halfway around the world and I only see them once a year, I don't know if that will happen. I'm sure it's even more difficult for my and my sis in law's parents, too.

nichola said...

Yes, i know that feeling all too well but we do these moves for a reason. I know if i was to go back home i'd love seeing my family and friends but i know i'd think 'what have i done coming back?'. I suppose we just have to weigh up the pros and cons and decided which is the best place to be for ourselves.
Congratulations to your brother and sister in law. The picture of your mum is lovely.

lisa s said...

gwen.... lovely. the photos are great of your mom and brother [congrats so exciting!]

it will be great when you do get to meet and see the baby and your family!
xo

Dacia Ray said...

i completely agree. ive been missing my mom this week. she always made by bday so special and I miss having her around on that day.

Toni said...

As a mom who will see her first child be married in 2 weeks--and then leave to live in Oregon--(we are in CA), I was touched by your post. Now I know why my grandma cried everytime we said goodbye after visiting in the summer.

Congratulations on becoming an Auntie!

Alicia A. said...

You're awfully sweet. And the photo is wonderful.