me
means:
when i am social
i am
very very social
but when
things
get tough
i shell up
and
feel
very very
introverted.
i have
a hate/love
relationship
with rain.
i hate getting wet
but
i love
an excuse
to stay in
when i should
be outside
collecting bugs.
i don't like
people
to see me cry
so i usually
hide in bathrooms
when i need to cry.
i have needed
to cry a lot
lately.
i am not sure
if it's because
i was raised catholic
but i feel
a lot
of guilt
and am
often
disappointed
in myself.
i hate
"should haves"
but i dwell
on them a lot.
this past
week
i promised
myself
not
to wait
to call
or write
to someone
because
there is
nothing
worse
then looking
at a shawl
on my shelf
when the person
who it's for
is no longer there
to send it to.
no matter
how many times
i do it,
there is always
something
incredibly
comforting
about
finishing
a knitting
project.
it teaches
me that
each little stitch
means
something.
xo
24 comments:
glad to see you back here. was worried.
have a good weekend w/ s....
hope there are no more "bathroom breaks" in your near future...
hugs
ah gwen. i know what you mean. isn't it funny how we are so much harder on ourselves than we ever would be on anyone else? hugs friend.
steve forbert sings a song called "thinkin'" and it reminds me of your post.
sometimes, thinking is so exhausting. i can relate to a lot of your thoughts, especially the part about the shawl. hope you feel better.
xoxo
been missing your posts lately. I feel very much the same most of the time about myself and was also reised a catholic... i love the way you can see and communicate little parts of you through your blog.
Have a nice weekend!
glad to see you back. we are all too hard on ourselves. thinking of you.
xo
I was worried too and also am glad you're back.
as for the guilt - I wasn't raised catholic but I've got a whole catholic family's worth....
wish I could give you a hug:)
xo
sending hugs. (from a friend who lives with jewish guilt. pretty sure it's equally potent.)
hi miss gwen.
thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you very soon. hugs.
i heart bugsy
Hey there Gwen,
If you ever figure out the trick of not feeling guilty about every old thing, please pass it on, I'd be forever grateful.
Hope things are looking up. xo lj
such a beautiful and heartbreaking post. i've definitely been where you are. hope you're able to come out and play soon.
we hindus have the guilt too. sigh.
thinking of you gwen, and sending hugs your way... xox
This is so heartfelt Gwen, don't be so hard on yourself. Sending hugs.
if it makes you
feel any better
I wasn't raised catholic
and still manage
to feel the same
much of the time
it's good to see you writing again. i always love reading your posts - this one is particularly beautiful.
lovely words...honest.
lovely yarn image too...
Oh, I'm sorry Gwen.
(I get the self-punishing guilts too, and I was raised Atheist!..I suspect it's actually human nature)
xo
oh gwen, i'm glad to see you are back but bummed to know why you've been away. xo
beautiful post.
Oh dear- I hope you feel better! I am sincerely empathetic; I went to a Catholic high school. Guilt is my middle name. But please, don't let it get to you- it's not your fault. By the way, I am in love with your blog, your photographs, your writing. I'll be checking back often!
if it makes you feel any better, I have a notation in the personal correspondence section of my "to do" list to write the person you're referring to.
And no, I never did get around to it. I just assumed I would see her in September in LA, that she was one of those people who would live to a hundred.
And yeah, that was my first thought when I got the news, the undone "to do" item that would remain undone, forever now.
your sister
sorry to hear you've been having a rough time! it's no good to dwell on things or be so hard on yourself. there are so many beautiful and good things about you that are very apparent to even the most distant of acquaintances. take heart!
My response to reading your post:
I don't even know you... but, I blow a kiss to you.
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