Friday, May 09, 2008

to know...

sheep&wool festival pola

me
means:

when i am social
i am
very very social
but when
things
get tough
i shell up
and
feel
very very
introverted.


may9: rain

i have
a hate/love
relationship
with rain.
i hate getting wet
but
i love
an excuse
to stay in
when i should
be outside
collecting bugs.


may9: carry on

i don't like
people
to see me cry
so i usually
hide in bathrooms
when i need to cry.

i have needed
to cry a lot
lately.

i am not sure
if it's because
i was raised catholic
but i feel
a lot
of guilt
and am
often
disappointed
in myself.

i hate
"should haves"
but i dwell
on them a lot.


may9: shawl for silvanna

this past
week
i promised
myself
not
to wait
to call
or write
to someone
because
there is
nothing
worse
then looking
at a shawl
on my shelf
when the person
who it's for
is no longer there
to send it to.


may9: socks for mutti

no matter
how many times
i do it,
there is always
something
incredibly
comforting
about
finishing
a knitting
project.
it teaches
me that
each little stitch
means
something.

xo

24 comments:

lisa s said...

glad to see you back here. was worried.

have a good weekend w/ s....
hope there are no more "bathroom breaks" in your near future...
hugs

hannah said...

ah gwen. i know what you mean. isn't it funny how we are so much harder on ourselves than we ever would be on anyone else? hugs friend.

quaint handmade said...

steve forbert sings a song called "thinkin'" and it reminds me of your post.

sometimes, thinking is so exhausting. i can relate to a lot of your thoughts, especially the part about the shawl. hope you feel better.

wendy said...

xoxo

maria said...

been missing your posts lately. I feel very much the same most of the time about myself and was also reised a catholic... i love the way you can see and communicate little parts of you through your blog.

Have a nice weekend!

jen said...

glad to see you back. we are all too hard on ourselves. thinking of you.
xo

UNIFORM Studio said...

I was worried too and also am glad you're back.
as for the guilt - I wasn't raised catholic but I've got a whole catholic family's worth....
wish I could give you a hug:)
xo

emily said...

sending hugs. (from a friend who lives with jewish guilt. pretty sure it's equally potent.)

shari said...

hi miss gwen.

thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you very soon. hugs.

Sungopolis said...

i heart bugsy

louise said...

Hey there Gwen,
If you ever figure out the trick of not feeling guilty about every old thing, please pass it on, I'd be forever grateful.
Hope things are looking up. xo lj

ease between notches said...

such a beautiful and heartbreaking post. i've definitely been where you are. hope you're able to come out and play soon.

amisha said...

we hindus have the guilt too. sigh.
thinking of you gwen, and sending hugs your way... xox

babelfish said...

This is so heartfelt Gwen, don't be so hard on yourself. Sending hugs.

Blair said...

if it makes you
feel any better
I wasn't raised catholic
and still manage
to feel the same
much of the time

a little bird said...

it's good to see you writing again. i always love reading your posts - this one is particularly beautiful.

Joetta said...

lovely words...honest.
lovely yarn image too...

Carson said...

Oh, I'm sorry Gwen.
(I get the self-punishing guilts too, and I was raised Atheist!..I suspect it's actually human nature)
xo

Erin Lang Norris said...

oh gwen, i'm glad to see you are back but bummed to know why you've been away. xo

jen said...

beautiful post.

Rachel said...

Oh dear- I hope you feel better! I am sincerely empathetic; I went to a Catholic high school. Guilt is my middle name. But please, don't let it get to you- it's not your fault. By the way, I am in love with your blog, your photographs, your writing. I'll be checking back often!

Anonymous said...

if it makes you feel any better, I have a notation in the personal correspondence section of my "to do" list to write the person you're referring to.
And no, I never did get around to it. I just assumed I would see her in September in LA, that she was one of those people who would live to a hundred.
And yeah, that was my first thought when I got the news, the undone "to do" item that would remain undone, forever now.

your sister

Dacia said...

sorry to hear you've been having a rough time! it's no good to dwell on things or be so hard on yourself. there are so many beautiful and good things about you that are very apparent to even the most distant of acquaintances. take heart!

Christine said...

My response to reading your post:
I don't even know you... but, I blow a kiss to you.