Saturday, September 23, 2006

it's over!


thank you
all so very very much
for all kind words
and encouragement...
i can't ever
put in words
how much
it meant to me.


there are some things
in life
that you can't
imagine how you would
feel about
until you
actually
experience
them...
falling in love...
having you heart broken...
holding your newborn child...
you can try
to imagine
and people
will tell you
how it feels
but until
that moment
comes
you don't really know.

well
this exam
was one
of those
experiences.

i guess
i didn't
realize
that having
my 5 mentors
grill me
and poke holes
in my research
would make
me feel so low.
i know that
they do this
to make
you a better
scientist
but it really
whacks all
the confidence
right out of you.
i feel like
a smashed
caterpillar.

i am sorry to be
such a downer
but i have never
been
very good
about putting
on a fake smile
and i feel
it's important
to be honest
with you.


one good thing
besides it being
OVER
is that
the way i recover
is through
knitting
and
photographing
and
art...
so things
will start to get
a lot more
exciting
here on this blog!


i am off to
californina
tomorrow
for 2 weeks...
i will have
sporadic
internet
access
but i will
post when i have time.
they'll be
good
posts because
i get to meet
the amazing
lisa s.
and
lisa c.
and tool around
town
with lisa s.
on roller skates
with our
swinger cameras.
life will be grand.
stay tuned!

thank you
all
so much.

29 comments:

lisa s said...

so looking forward to having you here!

so - they poked holes, but did they like the basic idea?? THAT is what's most important!!!

see you soon! woo hoo!

alyssa said...

That is so great that you can take a trip after something like that. Good way to keep your mind and nerves off the subject. Yeah, you're done. You did it! All the bad feelings will fade away when you get on that plane. Have fun.

Hayley said...

Oh cheers! and congrats!! Have a great trip! If you head down south of S.F. send me a note.

Cheers!

Funky Finds said...

have a great trip gwen!

amintrigued said...

just found your blog. a wonderful read. have a great trip.

hannah said...

oh happy! so glad that it is over and you can relax with lisa x 2! what is funny is david pulled out his thesis last night for some reason and he said just looking at it made all those feelings come back. that isnt so hot.

bike&beer said...

have a great trip, bugheart... i will miss you! so glad you won't have to study with your door closed anymore, and we'll go to the village again, and all that jazz. and always remember, you IS a scientist ;-) i mean it.
xoxo...

Debbie said...

So glad it is over for you! Have fun in Cally and let us know when you know. Still think you passed with flying colors!

eireann said...

yes--did you pass? I hope so. It makes the grilling worthwhile.

In any case, safe and fun travels!

julie said...

So great that its over..phewwww..Did you pass?...
Have a wonderful trip with teh great Lisa's and really look forward to your beautiful art..xxx

Amy said...

Hooray for the the end.
Enjoy your trip!

suzamaphone said...

i'm glad it's over. i'm sure you did much better than you think. have a fun visit in cali.

xo

sooz said...

Yeah, it's weird and hard and somehow really unsatisfying that something you work so long and so hard for is just grist for the mill. My sympathies are with you!

Have some fun on the road and I envy you meeting those Lisas in real life. Look forward to hearing tales.

seal said...

congrats! have a wonderful trip.

Jay said...

Your pictures said more than your words did Gwen , and I feel for you. The trip will, hopefully, do you a world of good... we're all rooting for you!

louise said...

Hi Gwen,
I'm sure after your ace holiday you'll come back to the bug world with fresh spark and all your confidence restored.
Cheers, LJ

molly said...

i'm sure having the exam behind you will make your trip that much sweeter! be safe. have fun. and enjoy relaxing!!

nichola said...

ON ROLLERSKATES??! I want to come too! Have a wonderful time.

Marianne said...

Congratulations! I hope you have a wow of a time on your trip!

Shari said...

oh gwen! i've been thinking of you! i just returned home from the mountains. glad you're done and now in california enjoying some time with the lisas. i love the image of you guys roller skating around with your cameras! perfect. xox shari

Joan said...

Thank you for speaking the truth so accurately about the post-prelim low. It IS so hard to be at that place where you are- emerging from that major, life-altering experience. Hearing your description just brings me back to that heart ache, and reminds me how it took me a good few months to regain my balance after my prelim.

I still think you are amazing- you did it- went in there, faced them alone, and answered those tough questions with poise. That sure is an incredible thing!

Thinking of you out there on your trip, meeting wonderful women, letting your artistic self shine!

take care!

kelly said...

ah, it's over... congratulations on having this huge hurdle behind you. defenses are awful things... I sometimes think that the basic tenets of academia and the military really aren't that different: break them down to nothing and then build them back up again the way we want them to be... harsh and painful - every bit!

Melissa said...

Congrats! I had to do a similar exam in June and I was definately glad its over. I'm enjoying reading your blog. Enjoy your trip!

wendy said...

sorry about the holes...glad you are taking a break in one of my favorite places in the world.

Austen G. said...

i'm glad you made it through, gwen, and i hope you're having a great time on your holiday. that rollerskating does sound like fun!

flim.flam said...

academia is a funny thing

my phd was only awarded
about a year ago
so i keenly remember the pains and the triumphs

i don't know if it will help
but the most important thing i discovered
through the experience
(which, i agree, you do have to have yourself)

is that everyone will always have
an opinion about you
and that often those opinions
will be useful
and also
contradictory
and also
more about the commenter
than about you

i think
getting your phd
is basically
getting a license to have your own opinions

and one day, surprisingly
instead of feeling like a smashed caterpillar
you start thinking
"hmmm, yes that's interesting, but..."

anyway
enough of sounding like a grandma

have a great holiday!

gracia said...

Sounds like roller-skating around town with a camera and an armful of friends is the perfect pick-me-up when feeling like "a smashed caterpillar"... take care, grache

LITTLE PEARL said...

You make it sound like you didn't PASS or something! Of course your mentors have to put you through the ringer; I am sure it's the toughest thing you've had to sit through, and now you can stand anything!

I am so jealous that you're in SF. Have a blast for me and get all that stress out of your system. Hope it's beautiful. Need to chat sometime and catch up on where you go from here, and about 'Lil J'. Your Mom is here rocking him right now!

XOXO k

Dacia said...

That sounds awful. I hope your recovery is fruitful.