pupation

we met
in the spring
but
it was in the fall
that
we fell in love.



how could i help it?
a girl
from
s. california
is not use
to the delirium
of
colors
and
the sweet smell
of senescence
in the air.
or
sidewalks covered
in wet leaves
like the
matted-down fur
of a dog
come in
from the rain.



this
past weekend
grub & i
escaped
the city
to the
horse country
of virginia
for
a wine-tasting
birthday party.



i was reminded
how much
i love
to walk
in the immensity
of this time
of year.
it must be
the
sturm und drang
that runs
thick
in my
german blood
but
it is
those gray days
on the countryside
that put me
most at ease.



when the
cool wetness
of the air
wraps around you.
the musty smell
of decay.
the preparation
for a long sleep.



i often wish
i was like
a caterpillar.
i could crawl
to the soil
or a nook in
the bark of a tree.
slowly
i would knit
my pupal case.
curled up
inside
i could wait
until
better weather
returns.



have a great
weekend.

xo

impromptu

when i lived
in seattle,
at any moment
of any day
i could call
a friend
or a brother
and
they'd
meet me
for coffee
or a drink
or lunch
in an hour.

on snow days
we'd all
slowly trudge
to the nearest
coffeeshop
(victrola)
and
meet each
other
with smiles
and rosey cheeks.

i miss that.
i miss that
so so much.
i know
life changes
but
i thought
i would
always
live
in the
same town
as my closest
friends.

but they
are all
scattered
across the country.

there are
days
(many of them)
when i wish-
i need
so much
to call
them up
and see them
in the hour.

strange
how hard
it is
to make
close friends
as you get older.
is it because
we aren't as
open to it
as we once were
whispering
all night
at slumber parties?

i wonder.

sending out
hugs
to all
my dearest friends.
from amsterdam
to nyc
to raleigh
to nashville
to tehachapi
to oakland
to portland
to seattle.
and
those of you
that
i have yet
to meet.

see you
in
an hour.
okay?

xo

not 100%

not feeling
100%
after
a late night
bus ride
back from
nyc
sunday.

but i have
a lavendar
bar
from saltie
so it's
not all bad.



feeling quiet
lately.
hope you
will bear
with me...



i always
get
introspective
this time
of year.

photos from
nyc
later
this week.
xo

untitled

xo

* this is 
an old unpublished 
post 
that
i found dated 
october 10, 2009 
and entitled "for life."
not sure 
what i was thinking.
but these were some
value village finds.

setting down my skin

So I set down my skin. I'm tired.


i feel tired.
like a pile
of dishes
after
a big party.
still left
to be cleaned
before
bed.


I doff my cap to the trees.
I drop my list
and start over.





tonight
i search
hopefully
for
the motivation
i seem
to have
lost
somewhere.

{words in italics from
window music
by
jen currin}.

xo

le weekend

fall is here
and
the nights
are cold.
i still
don't remember
to bring
a sweater.

the old
habits
of summer
die
hard.



this weekend
was beautiful.
a little
too busy
but
beautiful
nonetheless.



grub and
i took
a lot
of walks.

we
went
to
crafty bastards
{me on
project beltway}.

and
the
farmers
market.



i never
buy anything.
i just follow
grub
around
and
take
photos.



how was
your weekend?
xo

f l e e t i n g

the last day
in mexico
i spent
the morning
on the beach
before we
rushed off
to the airport.

i found
a honeybee
flailing around
in the sand.
her wings
had somehow
been damaged.
i picked her up
and let her
clean herself off.
but each time
she
tried to fly
she
ended
up
right
back
in the sand.
it was
so sad.
even though
a worker bee
is expendible,
since she has
50,000 or so
sisters
to take
her place,
it is one
of those
moments
when you
are so aware
of the
fleeting nature
of life.
corny,
i know,
but true.


f l e e t i n g :
passing swiftly : transitory

this definition
does not
capture
how the word
feels in the
pit of my stomach.
there is something
inherently
sad about
the word.
something lost.



grub's birthday
was yesterday.
as we get older
it seems
we most often
get depressed
around our birthday.
why?
is it the loss
of time?
the recognition
of how
swiftly
time passes us?
for me
it is a reflection
on what
i have accomplished
each year.
i always
fall short.
why is there
sadness
and disappointment
in that
which is
fleeting?
instead of
the joy
of relishing
that moment-
that year
gone by?

more fleeting
here.

xo